So I was at baybeats earlier on and the weirdest thing happened. During Lucksmith's set, a French guy came up to me and started making a conversation with me. And after that he had to go and he asked for my number! I didn't give him my number and I just gave him my email address.

Cuz who knows he was just trying to get lucky. I mean of all the attractive girls present at baybeats just now, why the fuck me? But it was cool! First time in my entire life I've been approached by a friggin ANG MOH! And French at that! So as tempted as I was to give him my number, I thought with my brain and gave him my email address.

So if he's sincere enough about getting to know me better, he would just drop me an email or sth. And if he doesn't, then I'll be glad I didn't give him my number after all. This is pretty ironic because I vaguely remember just a few weeks ago my cousin was telling me about how she found French guys hot and stuff and I was like, "Really? Are they any different from normal guys?"

Well after today's encounter, my thinking remains the same, and I don't find them hotter than guys of other races.

So! I will update yall about the French guy. Name is Vincent (pronounced Vinssonn btw. >.<) If there are any updates in the first place. Toodles!

I AM: a stronger woman now.
I WANT: my dream guy to come along.
I HAVE: a huge immense craving for sushi all by myself at Sushi Kikuzawa
I WISH: i had lots of money right now so that I can pay for my second tattoo. And also go for sushi.
I HATE: fat smelly men.
I MISS: having a man.
I FEAR: my loved ones leaving me too soon.
I HEARD: my mother nag at me this morning about how I shouldn't be treating the ironing board like a table.
I SEARCH: for information for my customers as best as I can and I hope they appreciate that.
I WONDER: when my dream guy will come along.
I REGRET: spending too much money in one shot in order to help myself heal my emotional wounds.
I ACHE: when my loved ones ache.
I ALWAYS: over-react.
I AM NOT: just another face in the crowd.
I DANCE: only when I seriously have to. Or when I am so damn stressed and no one is looking.
I SING: because I believe music saves souls.
I CRY: too much when I am upset.
I WRITE: songs to myself.
I LOSE: my head when I feel that people are not being as nice as they should or can be.
I CONFUSE: a guy that truly likes me with a guy who just wants to flirt with me.
I NEED: sushi and my new tattoo as soon as possible.
I SHOULD: love myself a lot more.

Stressed about tomorrow's hosting show at night.

Stressed about Singtel Grid Girls being aired tomorrow night.

Stressed about my friends.

Stressed about adapting.

Stressed about my weight.

Stressed about eating.

Stressed about work.

Stressed about money.

Stressed about men.

Stressed about loving myself more.

I want to be happier. I have been happier.

Just feel like cussing and swearing. Fuck Cheebye Nabei Kannina.

Looks like Japanese words to me.

Looked into the mirror and got a shock. I look like a fucking ghost.

As I haven't really had much of an appetite the past few days, it wasn't very healthy of me to eat my meds on an empty stomach. Makes me feel like throwing up after eating the meds. Then this morning my brother cooked a little bit of pasta for me and added this real tangy tomato sauce to it which really opened my appetite! I finished everything up la! First time in a long time I finished sth up without leaving half of it untouched sia.

But perhaps also because the portion is damn small since I can't eat a lot to begin with. But that doesn't change the fact that I finished everything up and did not feel like puking after that! So I was even able to drink a glass of milk after that and eat my meds happily. =D

Thanks bro you're the best!

Just came back from the doctor and found out that right now I weigh a mere 51 kg. and i'm bloody 1.68m la. Shit man and I thought I was 56.

I've lost enough weight to be able to break into my own house la! You know how some door gates have these holes all over, which are big enough for skinny people to squeeze their arms through. I squeezed my arm through with ease sia. And managed to open the gate from the inside and get myself into the house. Cuz I forgot to bring out my keys.

It wasn't too long ago that I was too fat to do that la! Then I would be stuck outside until someone comes home.

I do suppose all these emotional baggage and being ill does help in losing weight. Great!

After the breakup, I've made myself do many things I've always procrastinated doing, or never dreamed I would do, in the process of helping myself to heal. Like for eg, getting a tattoo, going on a shopping spree all alone (when I mean spree, I really mean spree), and watching a thai horror flick.

I caught 4bia yesterday and watched the bloody first half ALONE! Thanks to Nic who was late cuz he was busy getting high. =.=''' This was the first time in my entire life watching an ASIAN HORROR FLICK!! I've always been very easily scared and paranoid, that's why I always avoided them with a passion. Ang moh ones are still okay to watch cuz their ghosts often look so fake and normal.

I'm glad I caught the movie (even though the ghosts in the 2nd short story look funnier than scary), because somehow I feel that an invisible barrier has been broken. It was exactly the same feeling as when I was getting the tattoo. That heart-thumping fear coupled with the eager anticipation to try something new.

Somehow I feel that with each of these things that I do, I grow more mature and level-headed, and the pain goes away a step more.

Next up will probably be a spree at Haji Lane! Anyone up to join me?????

Honestly, I'm getting a little irritated by people who tell me "you are gonna regret" when I tell them about my new tattoo. They have no idea of my motivation of getting the tattoo, the reasons behind it, the kind of "spiritual resurrection" i felt after I got the tattoo. And all I can do is just smile at them politely because I know that there is no point explaining to them.

Anyways, I now understand the craze Nic has over tattoos and the reason why he keeps getting them. When I got my tattoo, Derek said that I am just an inch closer to getting my 2nd tattoo. He is so right. I dunno I just feel the urge to do more tattoos! It's like an addiction.

Therefore I'm gonna announce that when I get my next paycheque, I'm gonna get a tattoo on my hip/stomach of the chinese characers "Liu Jia", Liu being my sirname, Jia being family in Chinese.

Toodles!

From now on when I hear a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, it will remind me of my virgin tattooing experience. Not that it's a bad thing. =) The tattoo artist, Derek, had Red Hot Chili Peppers playing you see. I like RHCP. =D

I must say getting the tattoo is the best thing I have done this month. For some reason I felt extremely happy and uplifted after the job.

Here are the pictures!



Check out my pained face! XD



Honestly don't you think it looks like some dodgy Cambodian operating theatre? Haha! and I'm some injured soldier or something. XD



The outline of my tattoo.



End product! Gotta love Derek for this man. Exactly like the picture I showed him. Then he just draw a bit here, shade a bit there, done!



How it looks from afar.

I felt like a proud mother with her newborn child after the tattoo was done. =')

Basically there is only one thing
One thing that unites us all
It's not English, it's not football.
It's the fucking desire for sex.

The men say they will love
They will love the girl so much
But we know all they want is a fuck
Love is nothing but a lie

All they want is fuck,
All they want is fuck,
All they want is fuck, fuck
Fuck is all they want.

So comparable we really are
Comparable to animals on the hunt
All they want is to fuck
Fuck and get it done

It is all just a process
With the insertion and stuff
And when all is done
Okay goodbye

Where does love stand then?
In this scientific process.
Nobody will ever confess
That love does not have a part.

All they want is fuck,
All they want is fuck,
All they want is fuck, fuck
Fuck is all they want.

Love is just an excuse
Needed to spice up this process
Process of loveless sex
Because we live in self-denial.


18 August 2008 12.56pm

Jiayi and I were chatting over MSN and discussing how to fend off pervs especially when you're alone in lifts with them. And I must say I've come up with an extremely ingenious idea.

Simple just carry a blender around with you. And when the perv gets even remotely close to you, rip off his pants, position the blender at his balls, and switch the blender on!! Inevitably, his balls will be blended into balljuice!

After that, he will probably be spasming on the ground in pain. At this point in time, we force open his mouth, and force the balljuice down his throat. So in effect, HE'S DRINKING HIS OWN BALLS!!

That's for trying to get fresh with innocent young women like us! We deserve a lot better than such ill treatment from you, scum of this earth!

P.S. The blended must be battery operated.

P.P.S. sigh there is really plenty of scum on this earth. based on first hand experience. like, today. thinking about it makes me sad. shut up brain.

I secretly wish I could wear my red sneakers with my black dress to my Grandma's funeral. It would comfort me.

I realized that I've lost enough weight so that I can fit into a UK size 8 perfectly and I can also squeeze into a UK size 6! I used to be UK size 10 you see. Awesome it's working!

I discovered this while modelling for my bestie's online boutique.

Just to show yall a couple of the items on sale.





These are real brands from boutiques like warehouse and topshop and such and the prices have been slashed greatly without even cutting the brand label. The clothes are brand new too!

Check em out on www.recherchens.blogspot.com

I will find someone in future who will not treat me the way you did. I will not be so stupid this time. Because I don't deserve this. I deserve a lot better.

Today I had filming for some Channel 8 show called ding dang shen tan or something like that. I don't even know what the fuck the title means and why it begins with something retarded sounding as ding dang. All I know is that I'm a doctor in the show who mocks another doctor (Rosalyn Pho) because I'm jealous of her.

Here are my fellow doctors.



This is ma main man! As in he is sorta like my partner in the show.



That's the ah beng casanova-ish doctor.



Can you believe this guy is fucking 29???? I tell you he looks like 15 in person.

And yes I'm the only damn female doc.

I look damn like a professional doctor right. We actually took a grp photo together in a damn doctor pose but I was too dumb to remember to save it. I also took a photo with Richard Low (Liu Qian Yi) because he totally rocks BUT I FORGOT TO SAVE IT TOO!! I should die. Damn depressed when I realized I forgot to save the photo.

I like Richard Low very much. Though he's got so many years of acting experience, he's damn humble and down-to-earth. Not to mention that he's got a great sense of humour as well! And after I took the photo with him, he was damn worried it won't look good. Cuz I told him I'm gonna show it to my mum cuz she likes him. But too bad I forgot to save the photo. I suck.

Anyway for those who don't know, Richard Low acts in many channel 8 family dramas as fathers and uncles. He acted as that Bakkwa boss who speaks Hokkien all the time in I Not Stupid.



Get it now? He's really really damn nice. Ah it's been a good shoot today. Unlike the previous one where everyone wasn't really this nice.

Emo day after day after day. But I have faith in myself that I can move on fast. I love myself too much to let myself go through so much unnecessary pain. I'm also going to get a tattoo of the chinese character "nu" (woman), somewhere around the area of my breasts. This is because I feel stronger as a woman and I am very proud to be a woman. It will be situated on my breasts to symbolize womanhood and maternity.

Apart from that, I'm really looking forward to the SIA interview next sunday and I pray to God I get it. Then hopefully I can join SIA as soon as possible. How stupid of me to join Yellow Pages just because it was near his place. But I guess now it doesn't matter anymore.

Sometimes I wonder could it be a curse that the "female ghost" at YP set on me? Cuz I haven't been very nice to her and I've been making fun of her at the office. Cuz I really didn't believe in ghosts. It's just that shortly after I joined YP, this is what happened to my smooth and almost-perfect relationship.

Sigh I'm thinking too much.

Anyway, Heinz Hot Chili Tuna rocks! Chili damn hot damn shiok.

Got so many phones but never even pick up a single one. For what???? Wasting time and phones. At the moment I'm calling every single Carrefour number trying to get them but not a single fucking human being is picking up the phone!! 11am already shld be at work right??

Gaahhh

Found out yesterday that a certain couple broke up over Deathcab tickets. Wtf?? And I thought my breakup was over a trivial thing. But no surprise over that couple's breakup seeing who the girlfriend is. I'm totally okay with the guy. He deserves someone waaayyy better.

Perhaps I deserve better too? =(

I'm back. But I don't think it would matter because I don't think anyone would actually read this blog anymore since I've been gone for so long. But that's alright, it's great to have so many outlets to vent and to celebrate.

Hello whole wide world. My name is Esther. I am The Dragon Queen. Nice to meet you all.


Sushi is king,
Pink is in.
Music is life,
Without it, we die.



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