Last year, I spent New Year's Eve with Nic, watching A Vacant Affair for the first time at Vivocity. Then I got to know Shen from A Vacant Affair and this year's New Year's Eve, I'll be spending it with him and his family!

It's so strange that when old relationships are broken, new relationships are formed.

This year, just like every other year, good things and bad things happened.

The good things
- I got a boyfriend, the wonderful Tan Wei Shen. =)
- I reunited with my brother after 3 battling years. =)
- I lost my virginity. (tee hee)
- I have become more sure and more confident of myself, my decisions, and my thoughts. I don't associate with JWs any longer.
- I am slightly closer to my Dad. =)
- I interned at 987FM, my first full time working experience at a proper company!
- My long hair is now gone!!!!

The bad things
- Wayne Thunder passed away.
- A few of my other acquaintances passed away. One committed suicide, another died suddenly on the road.
- My grandmother's health is not getting better, and will not be getting better. She had to amputate her leg recently.
- I disassociated with JWs. (It is both a good and bad thing for many reasons.)

From all these things, I have learnt that there's only such a thin line separating us from life and death. And it just makes me appreciate it so much more that I have not crossed the line into death yet. I am happy that I am still alive, and enjoying it as much as I can. We are so fragile that it is scary. But it is also this vulnerability that makes it so much more invigorating to be alive.

I am happy that so far at every New Year's Eve, I am alive to count down and watch the fireworks with people that I love.

Resolutions for 2008
- To maintain a strong relationship with my brother.
- To maintain a strong and loving relationship with Shen.
- To keep my true friendships burning.
- To start supporting myself independently without taking anything from my Mum anymore.
- To keep myself going, and yet enjoy at the same time.

The difference from 2007 is that, I have learnt how important it is to keep the people u love close around you. Work and money is secondary. Because money cannot back u up in times of distress, but people can. Money is temporary, but true love is not. And also there is not much point pursuing high ambitions and material needs when at the end of the day, I am not happy.

People I want to thank for making 2007 great for me
- Tan Wei Shen, my boyfriend, for being my stronghold and my amusement. Tee hee.
- Samuel Low, my brother, for growing up and being such a great wonderful brother with a great wonderful personality.
- My Mum, for being so open minded about my decisions. For making it easy for me to tell her certain things.
- My Dad, for accepting that both my brother and I are grown up, old enough to make our own decisions.
- Melodie and JY, annoying bitches to make the last year of school fun and simply for being my girlfriends.
- Arrogant Sim and JK, annoying class asses to make the last year of school fun.
- Adam, James, Bonk and Arif, for being great talented bandmates through and through. Though we haven't been gigging much. Sigh... Didn't make it for baybeats auditions too. =(
- Shen's family, for making me feel like part of the family and treating me so damn well.
- Jueling, for still being my best friend. 2008 is going to be our SEVENTH year of being best friends!!!
- Most important of all, my Grandma. For telling me that she loves me the most out of all the grandchildren. For cooking rice with steamed fish for me to eat.

I'm in trouble. I'm totally addicted to Disgaea 2!! Every waking hour, I'll think of playing that game. And I keep looking forward to moving on to the next chapter and fighting more monsters! And leveling up my characters and buying new weapons for them! Though my best character is a pathetic level 24 as compared to my boyfriend's level 4000. =S But that's just cuz I just started whereas he already started playing the game since he was a youngling.

I'm in trouble also because I'm far from finishing my schoolwork! And everything's due by the second week of next month!! But I just can't bring myself to go to school and do the work! Actually not really lah..I've just been so busy with other things, like carolling, and stuff. But I guess I'm still not as busy as poor Mel. I hope she'll be able to find time to finish up her work! There's so much and it's already our final bunch of assignments. It's the final leg!

Speaking of finishing school, I'm so excited about earning lots of money to support myself! okay the boy is being irritating. bye!

I actually am starting not to hate Christmas. Though of course I don't believe in Christmas. But it's pretty nice to sorta celebrate it with the people around you. Cuz it is indeed really hardwarming when since the whole year round, people just concentrate on working and working, and once in a while there are such festivals to just sit down and relax and love everyone else.

It's 5am now and I'm kinda tired so I'm not going to blog much. I'm really tempted to play video games. But I dunno! I'm going to get really little sleep.

I'd really really love to put up photos of the Batam trip. But my phone is cranky beyond the Saviour's Grace. And therefore cannot be connected to the computer. Therefore, no photos. Sigh... I wish to get a proper camera one day.

Yesterday was a terrible terrible day. And I shall not elaborate on it. For today is a brand new day.

Baby Bear and I went to Batam for our 11th month anniversary! This is the one of the biggest "surprises" I've ever gotten in our whole relationship together. =D ("surprises" is in inverted commas cuz he ALWAYS wants to spoil the surprise for me by telling me beforehand one!!) The sweetest thing is, he paid for everything and took damn good care for me, making sure I had enough food to eat, that I can buy all the things I wanna buy, that I'm safe and sound!

I felt like he was my mum! XD just kidding. =D

We went there for 2 days and one night. We had a great time cuz everything was quite relaxed and we just did what we wanted and could do. Though honestly speaking, there isn't much in Batam to do. But the company was priceless. We went to Nagoya Hill to look around at the shops (which I still honestly think Far East Plaza is a way better place to shop in.)

The food in Batam is DIRT CHEAP!! One meal for the both of us can cost only $10+!!!! And it's not like it's some cheapo roadside stall. It's proper restaurants at malls. Pizza Hut there is also only like $10 for the BOTH of us! The best thing is, THERE'S A&W THERE!!!!! Reliving the memories man!!!! Getting to eat the waffles I had as a kid. I still remember how last time my mum would bring us to the A&W at AMK on a good day when we visited our grandma. Those were the good days. =') But sad to say, there was no curly fries on sale. Sigh...

One thing that really interested me in Batam was the very different lifestyle of the residents (no shit). There were dirty looking roadside stalls everywhere selling daily fare. But it's just amazing that people who eat there on a daily basis probably don't get diarrhoea, but if we ate there, we confirm will get diarrhoea. Confirm chop chop. Maybe it's all in the mind. Cuz Baby Bear ate from roadside stalls in Thailand and he didn't get diarrhoea. But then again he's ALWAYS shitting non stop. So perhaps he got diarrhoea but he didn't realize it.

Okay I shall post photos up tomorrow. I'M TIRED!!!

I just got the funniest job offer today. To be a fitness instructor in California Fitness! How weird is that?? It's what I least expected. Lol... But it isn't such a bad thing! I get to obtain a great bod, and earn money at the same time! I really won't mind snagging the job.

I realized that so far in my little nineteen years of life, I feel like I've led a fairly rich and fulfilling life. Not like my life is going to end soon or anything (I hope). But I feel that I've been given so many opportunities that no one has ever had. I got to try so many interesting experiences that others never got to. I've seen and learned colourful and enlightening things that make me wiser. I really feel very lucky to have this life.

Sometimes thinking thoughts like these makes me wonder about Jehiah. Would he too go through such a wonderful and fulfilling experience like I did if he didn't choose to end his life? Would he have thought twice about making this decision if he had known that he probably would have a better future ahead?

But I guess it takes everyone a fair amount of guts to continue surviving in this world today.



Dewi and her birthday present and her boy.

I'm quite sick of having people take me for granted. There are limits.

I feel sad at the thought of people stealing from the shop that I work at. And the thought of how people are really capable of doing that when they put themselves way before others is really sickening. I really wish people won't steal from the stall.

I wish for a big break. When I don't have to think about stuff. Just for a week. That would be really nice.

I'm not in a good mood today.

i really hate arranging assignment. i really hate drums. my sense of rhythm sucks beyond God's recognition. it's so bad that even God denies creating it. it was created by the Dark One!!!!!

wahlau i'm so tired. i miss going out with my classmates. sigh...

I love my boyfriend. Yesterday afternoon I went out to buy lunch for us while he was still sleeping. Cuz he played computer games till late. And while I was at the coffee shop, it started to rain rather heavily. I waited for the rain to stop before going back. Thankfully it was just a brief shower. While nearing his place already, I heard him calling me behind me. I turned around and saw him carrying 2 umbrellas. He had actually woken up and gone out with the umbrellas just to rescue me from the rain. And it's not like it's a really short walk to the coffee shop. It's quite a distance! =) I love him.

Yesterday yesterday, we had a great show at scape. Though I started out awfully nervous. And the keyboard organ that Mandric set for me wasn't the sound I normally used. So I was quite taken aback and couldn't quite focus for the rest of the show. It's really high time I get a MIDI controller first and install it with Shen's laptop. I've got about 150 now. Plus the money from the emcee job this Saturday, I will have more than enough to get the MIDI controller.

I'm very very happy that a lot of people including strangers came to compliment us. =) It's one of the most exhilarating and rewarding feeling ever. When a person comes up to you and compliments you without ulterior motives and without you asking him/her first. I hope we get more gigs. I really don't know why people take drugs.

I love The Firefight. They claim every right to be a Headliner band.

Yesterday Indus Gendi played for Full Flight at scape, and I must say we had the most responsive audience ever. It was rather encouraging and rewarding. Even though I wasn't at my best, I still enjoyed myself on stage. Though I totally ripped my throat apart as I could barely hear myself over the too-loud guitars.

I really really hope the audience really liked our set. Matt said he enjoyed it though. =D And he meant it!

Today we will be playing for Confessions of a Rock Junkie with a really cool lineup of Cardinal Avenue, Firefight, and Giants Must Fall! It's the first time we will get to play with bands who are more recognized and popular. I am really worried that my vocals will not be so on form today like yesterday, and I too have a feeling that there might be more people today. As 1) it's free. 2) more headliner acts.

Oh well, it will go as it shall go.

Anyway I kena slight food poisoning today. Kena sai. Of all days it has to be a day when I'm performing.

Thank you Pigabelle Jue for coming down yesterday. And paying 6 bucks a long with ur friend. =( Just to support me. Thank you bestie! Love!!

Thank you Baby Bear... =)

Hi all. My band, Indus Gendi, is going to perform this Friday at Scape Centre (Next to Youth Park) for a show called Full Flight. It's at 5pm. And we're playing with Armchair Critic.

The next show, which is on Saturday, which is after Friday, (which means we are playing for 2 consecutive days!) is ALSO at scape (same place) at 7pm. Below is the poster. Admire it all you like. As you can see, we're playing with great bands like Firefight (Favourite!!!!), Giants must fall, and Cardinal Avenue.



Come and support my band!! If not, at least come and support me!!! Love you all human beans.

mellll says:
tan kheng hua said if we get selected we will get a call

mellll says:
if we dont get selected we will get an email

mellll says:
so i haven receive my email yet

This makes me realize that actually the results are not out yet. There's still hope. But I'm so worried of hoping too much and too high up, only to suffer from a bad fall in the end.

It's a bad day. For I forgot to spritz on perfume today, and I also forgot to bring my phone out today. It's always a bad day when I forget to bring out my phone. I feel so handicapped without my handphone. Like I'm missing a limb, or an eyeball. I feel young and naked like an infant.

I also realized one thing today. actually not all banglas are tiko. It's only the construction worker banglas that are very tiko. But the cleaner banglas are actually okay. They are nice and friendly and only concentrate on their work.

How did i discover this? Well, today I wore a very short skirt out, and I walked past the cleaner banglas. They did not even look! But just went on doing their work. Whereas for the construction worker banglas, THEY LOOKED! I guess it's a sorta influence thing. Cuz construction worker banglas are always in big groups. Like army boys like that. Whereas the cleaner banglas are more solo, or small groups. Therefore the construction banglas influence each other to be tiko. Come to think of it, NS boys also very tiko. So why should we discriminate bangla tikos when our own NS boys are just as tiko.

Okay I can't really blog today cuz Bonk is affecting me and irritating me. And I'm forced to type all these out with a switched off monitor. So bye.

Hi all,
It's been confirmed. I did not get into the musical.

Have a nice day humans.

Hello whole wide world. My name is Esther. I am The Dragon Queen. Nice to meet you all.


Sushi is king,
Pink is in.
Music is life,
Without it, we die.



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